covid - the journey within

 Covid - the journey within!!!

To say I have a life of privilege or a life of comforts or a life with everything that I love complaining about would not have been enough in a pre-covid time. So to say there was no me, I was an extension of a mother, a wife, a grieving daughter.

But the journey from March 2020 to now has been of many silence filled with words and thoughts. Acceptance has crept in veins where restlessness and discontentment were the only fluid. Whether it's the acceptance of the journey my body has been through, which led to many mini Mary Kondo type cleans of various parts of my wardrobe. The sizes two and four have been passed on to more deserving wardrobes, where they are being used not stored for the day I finally lose the extra body in me. The towering stilettos are no longer there for me to look and sigh for the days gone by.

The mind too is empty now from social circuses and feels to be included. I enjoy being the spectator to dog birthday insta stories and get well soon hampers with cakes and wine on display, more to the point of not needing to do than mock anyone. I am empty of a desire to do anything that I do not want or need to.

The only lingering left is to travel and see and explore the corners of the world. The bustling markets of Egypt, the embankments of Venice, the endless greens of the English countryside, the vast emptiness on the islands of Fiji or Hawaii. A friend from school ticked her list of driving through Spain. It made me envious and happy and wistful all at the same time. Every year on January first my boys make their birthday lists for that year, which are four and six months away, "giving you time to prepare mum!!" is what they like to tell me.

Well, this year mine is ready too, filled with places I want to see and only that, but I felt it was all I want from life now!!

(what are your aspirations in this new year? Do share...)

I let you do what you want....

As someone who choose to be at home after marriage Rabya thought she was empowered and in charge of her own life. Having chosen to not pursue her master's abroad but come back and work with her father as he incurred some business setbacks. Over the years father-daughter worked hard to bring back the business close to its initial heights. That towards the end of her engagement period faced with other stressful situations, Rabya decided she had enough of the corporate world and now that her younger brother had completed his education and joined the family business, the result of her hard work was in good hands.

But over the years a sense of regret seemed to have been building. The peers and friends who had joined the corporate world were high up in their corporate journeys. While she whoever she really had been, began to feel lost. Her husband had a flourishing business and since it was a joint set-up with his brothers, she was convinced it was not for her, as it was made clear women of the house were not needed in the office.

But as with every family business with the onset of some setbacks, the usual family stories from the times of the Mahabharata began creeping in first at work and then at home. All the rosey times had thorns attached! During the lockdown for the first time in her life feeling a financial crunch in her life, she regretted her decision bitterly.

But realization brought her to the fact none of the decisions were solely hers. The norms of society, the patriarchal ways, the expected behavior, the stigma to be a good daughter/wife/mother were all part of every decision. Some meant well, like an aunt telling you after your engagement, that you deserved a break from all this to enjoy life, so take a break! The husband who told her, its too soon to start something on her own, as the baby still needed her. 

Whether knowingly or unknowingly our minds are so blurred with the thoughts and notions of right and wrong, that the lines get lost. 

The bitter realization was when during one such now regular argument she heard "I let you do what you want." 

It was like a slap to the fact that she thought she was a woman of today, and her marriage was a partnership of equals.

Nobody can let anybody do anything she wanted to think unless you call it manipulation. Can you a mother or a father tell their toddler to stay away from the toy they want!! Then how can you tell a grown woman that you let her do what she wants?

Why are women being "allowed", anything? Why can't we be the ones who decide for ourselves to hold back or not!! 

Please don't "let" us, we will live!!!

I want to live...

At the end of a long and tiring day, what is your go-to thing to unwind? For me, it seldom happens that I reach there. During the day I am just putting off things to do for myself for this time.

Sit back and soak my feet in hot water, that DIY mask, the new flavor of green tea I have been wanting to try, read that half-completed book, the half-finished series on Netflix. The me-time gets more stressful when I have to decide what to pick and what to put off till my tomorrow me-time, coz I know I am going to fall asleep the minute I do relax.

It happens to the best of us. With the monotony of being home all day, the other day I just wanted to get out in the car for a bit. The kids had made the whole house wet or messy post holi and were too spent to move from their gadget for the next hour at least. I felt so lost when the husband just chose to ignore and keep about doing his things while telling me that let me wind up and we will see where to go.

An hour after doing this and as always assuming something would need my attention and I would have to let go. It then struck me, I picked up the car keys and walked out without saying a word. I did not want another minute wasted on conversation and further plans for the future.

That one hour of driving around the long-forgotten empty streets took me back to my initial college days of just driving for pleasure, of just going anywhere with the idea to enjoy the drive, not the destination! I did nothing, stoped nowhere, bought nothing, it was me and the empty road. Halfway through I realized the pleasure of just living and doing what I want to for me.

It did not have an agenda and rush or stress to do anything. The "me" gets lost in a marriage, in motherhood, in careers. The end of the drive brought this realization, I want to be able to do things for myself without feeling the weight and pressure of life.

Stop and pause, drink that coffee, smell those flowers, enjoy the breeze.... live your life too.... it's the only one you are also going to get.

We have to stop feeling guilty for self-love. We have to stop explaining ourselves to everyone including ourselves. Just breathe and live a little. #unofficialsarcasticmommy #moretome #indianmomblogger #momlife #noexplanationneeded #justme #ontheroad #forgottenplaces #imatter #iamenough blog spot https://unofficialsarcasticmommy.blogspot.com

life in waiting...

Growing up we all have those dreams of traveling the world or conquering the world or doing something to that effect. But once college is done, life happens for most of us. First, we start by planning for the big things. A long holiday to your favorite destination, we make it the target but once we are near the target, something else comes up and we make do with a smaller lollipop, putting it off for another time. Till we reach a time when we are just putting off our entire life for another time, starting from the things you always thought as a child you would do once you grew up to the watch list on your Netflix!! Make smaller lists, so the sense of achievement remains someone suggested. It does help when I achieve the smaller things on my list like enjoy 20 minutes without kids, or start a series I have been meaning to watch or achieve a small target work-wise. But the other day when my kids discussed with me their list once the virus goes away, and my elder one noted we will also go to Paris for the summer like you have wanted to since you were small. At that moment it struck me, am I living my life and while the life I want to live is in waiting. When will I get there, will I get there at all. There are times in life when reality hits you hard. You take stock and try to direct it your way. Can we find a way to stay on track? We can't hold time, so should we just only live in the now? How does that work, with kids and a house and a husband and extended family and work commitments? The only thing, events from just before the pandemic and the pandemic itself have made me crave and seek out are things I want to do in life, will I have a content life... or am I heading for a life in waiting? #unofficialsarcasticmommy #COVID19 #indianmomblogger #beingmom #momlife #dontjudge #parenting #beingmom #badmom #prenager #boyswillbeboys #growingup #backtoschool #COVID19 #momlife #momsandkids #school #schoollife #feelitreelit #momlife #indianmomblogger #indianmoms #indianmomsbelike #indiankids #momandsongoals #momandsonmoments #momandsonmoments #girlpower #equality #mothersanddaughters #mothersandsons #wecan #wecare #RaiseTheBar #livingmybestlife #life #livingthedream #livinglife #dreams #wishlist blog spot https://unofficialsarcasticmommy.blogspot.com

when you will have children... you will know!!

It a line I always heard growing up repeatedly, when you will have children... you will know!!

Can I say now I do!!

My mom would go to the extent to say, we are going to spoil your kids so silly, you will remember what kind of brat you were. I will not be bringing them to you I would promptly reply to her... sad it became true as she passed few months before my older one was born. 

Now that he's a pre-nager, I know what she meant, when she said I was being a brat!!! I mean there are nerves I did not know existed in my body that he manages to pull. The constant reminders to self, that came from friends is pick your battles, you can't be fighting them all.

Well is he's being a spoilt b**t all the time, I might as well be getting it out of my system all the time. The gut-wrenching irritation is so compelling and nothing seems to be working here. The reverse psychology, the counting to three's, the mental wait and watch, nothing. 

What works is to leave the situation alone, the things you want to be done don't get done, but your instinct to turn serial killer subsides. The world is their enemy, all I can say they are enemies of the state, the state being my house.

I sincerely hope it's the toll of covid and saying at home for a year, if not I can say I am doomed! I have to secretly build up my strength to go on for the battles I do choose to fight, like the homework, the remain hygienic coz no matter what they have been taught since birth, boys will not have their hygiene standards.

Hoping the world opens up real soon now, so I can get my sanity back by handing them to an institute for few hours every day. institute of learning or for my mental wellness, just please go back to school full time!!!

PS. the above may or may not be a work of fiction depends which side of the sympathy radar you are on. For all moms out there, now we know why we watch crime documentaries at night to unwind*, read it recently on a mom meme.

Or the worse part to this narrative is coming up, as my younger one has slowly but surely picking up the traits!!

#unofficialsarcasticmommy #dontjudge #parenting #beingmom #badmom #prenager #boyswillbeboys #growingup #backtoschool #COVID19 #momlife #momsandkids #school #schoollife #feelitreelit #momlife #indianmomblogger #indianmoms #indianmomsbelike #indiankids #momandsongoals #momandsonmoments #momandsonmoments #girlpower #equality #mothersanddaughters #mothersandsons #wecan #wecare #RaiseTheBar

blog spot https://unofficialsarcasticmommy.blogspot.com

back to the grind... the new way!!

Last march when the boys got a mild fever a few days before the term ended, I was a bit annoyed at them for not being careful as they tend to enjoy summer things as soon as there is any sign of the sun.

But soon, the world too had to be shut down, due to COVID. Ever since then they have been home and well so have I. After a gap of a year they are being called back to school in a very limited capacity. 

This is the decision that I have to take whether to keep them home as the number of cases has suddenly risen again or to let them step out. Had it been a parent-only communication, I would have not considered it at all. But it was discussed during their online lesson and well it went on from there.

Every day the boys will ask me, when can we go back, when will we get the circular. I can see the excitement to get back out there and the constant discussion between them about meeting friends, meeting teachers, and general talks of school.
It is going to be nothing like before I want to tell them. It's not normal, to carry masks and sanitizers and live like our frontline workers for small children. You cannot hug your friends, or even shake hands or hi-five them. You cannot sit together at snack time and share your thought and food. You cannot even share an eraser or an extra pencil with your classmate. 

I am scared to send them would be an understatement, I'm terrified and worried and petrified, but even then I cannot pass on my fears to my children. I start to tell them they can have extra two days off from online classes if they don't want to attend school. But nothing can keep them away. The minds have been made up! 
So after a week of constant discussion, tomorrow is the day. 

How would or are you coping with this new normal for our brave children. As I forget that they are the first set of children to do school completely online too!! I know we give them less credit than they should be. How well they coped with the classes, assignments, and school activities remotely is commendable. They know their need to interact and be around their friends just like us grown-ups.

So all the best to all the children out there and more faith and power to us as mothers to be able to support them without passing on our fears and anxieties and insecurities to them and letting them take charge of their decisions by supporting them and backing them.

Wishing things go back to normal soon and wishing every child a happy and wholesome childhood!!!

#backtoschool #COVID19 #momlife #unofficialsarcasticmommy #momsandkids #school #schoollife #feelitreelit #momlife #indianmomblogger #indianmoms #indianmomsbelike #indiankids #momandsongoals #momandsonmoments #momandsonmoments #girlpower #equality #mothersanddaughters #mothersandsons #wecan #wecare #RaiseTheBar

blog spot https://unofficialsarcasticmommy.blogspot.com 

things that say... I Love You!!!

Growing up you have a million fantasies about romance and love.

I think Shahrukh Khan and his representation of love be it in DDLJ to Kuch Kuch hota hai did not help much. I was always the cynical teenager snickering at the antics. The fact that Daniel Steele, Jackie Collins to Mills and Boons were all banned but sought after in my all-girls boarding school was not much help either.

I remember the excitement when some classmates "cousin" came to visit.

College life too had its fair share of high drama and madness. So when I had a super longish courtship I made sure everyone around me made sure to let it be known that grand gestures would be highly appreciated.

From waking unto a bouquet of red roses every day for six months, to monthly well thought out surprises, I had my fair share of the fairy tale. My first pregnancy was also so pampered and spoilt.

But somewhere down the line, we lost the plot, I am hoping like most couples. The just us dates became from weekly to monthly to even having long gaps. The personal celebrations became family affairs, the anniversaries became family weekends away, the flowers became another thing rather than a gesture.

The lockdown we were so not used to being around each other all day would be an understatement. Between our work, and my constant running from one pick up to the next drop off. We had come to a sort of mechanical existence. Slowly we are building back our rhythm.

So when we had the rare evening recently that kids were not home, we decided to stay in a just be. Enjoying the music and the weather. Another day, while running errands, we just detoured to a long drive, something we had not done in years. Reminiscing over a quick coffee date in the evening before the kids get back from a class.

Sure the grand gestures that once were are not there, the fluff has cleared out. But the things that say ..."I Love You!!", sure are.

Take moment, smell the roses, pause..... there may be many ways to say it but if you find those moments sure not the same as before, but here and there, the love always stays.

#unofficialsarcasticmommy#love #lovemylife #blessed #blessedandgrateful #BlessedThankfulGrateful #findinglove #findingloveagain #smallthings #iloveyou #loveislove #together #togetherforever

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stay in touch!!

A few years ago once all of my friends starting getting married and relocating to different parts of the world, a very dear friend gave me very good advice from her initial martial wisdom. Which I held very closely as it was among the few things that resonated with me immediately to stay on with me for life.

She was telling me the pros and cons of moving to a new city after marriage, as I wanted to stay anywhere but here and it was that no matter where you get married make sure you keep meeting your old friends.

You will meet other women through your husband and his family, but continue to be in touch with people who you know from before. At that time even when I was not married and enjoying getting bored with the same people day in and out, I felt its important advice.

Now years later I keep thanking her mentally for it. Though I got married in the same city, initially I found it hard to continue to be in regular touch with my peeps. You enjoy the company of your sisters-in-law, both the brother's wife and the sisters and extended families, depending on how big the other side is. lol

But I made a conscious effort to continue to keep in touch with the friends still in the same city as me. They might not have been as close at the time, but now they are the constant, the sounding board, the advisors, the honest critics.

Sure if you are lucky you will meet a few gems once you enter mommyhood, who have journeys similar to yours, but more often than not there too you will meet, the competitive mom, the jealous mom, the judgey mom. Coz it is a part of being in this race called life, where everyone wants to overtake the person around them.

But the ones who know you as just you from any point of your life will be able to better give you a better perspective than anyone else.

So go have coffee, wine, spend a day window shopping, or shopping with your friends. I thank god for my sanity and reality checks to few such women and I hope that all women have that group no matter how big or small to fall back on.

Once the children are grown up or start getting busy in their lives you can go back to being the girl you once were, even for a little while. Enjoy being that goofy, silly, fun-loving girl you once were.

Go be the Monica to your Rachael or Pheobe!!! Happy bonding!!!

#friendshipgoals #friendsforever #friendsforlife #stayconnected #beingyou #stillyo #nevertoolate #always #marriage #marriedlife #healthylife #mindmatters #unofficialsarcasticmommy #COVID19 #momlife #momsandkids #school #schoollife #feelitreelit #momlife #indianmomblogger #indianmoms #indianmomsbelike #indiankids #momandsongoals #momandsonmoments #momandsonmoments #girlpower #equality #mothersanddaughters #mothersandsons #wecan #wecare #RaiseTheBar

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save me I'm a mom of a pre-nager

Terrible twos, adolescent, puberty a mother's life is never as smooth. We are dealing with one meltdown after another.

Recently, my soon to be eleven years old had a temper tantrum he seems to have missed as an adolescent, in between sobs he tried explaining to me, "can't you understand leave me alone, I am not a child I am a pre-nager!!"

Well here I thought I had few good years coming my way before he became a teenager and the younger one was growing out of the temper tantrums.

Amazingly, he had a term for what he was having, otherwise, I wonder if I would have entered this time questioning my skills as a mother of having a cranky teenager before he even became one.

I asked my friends what to make of this, they tell me they are in the same boat and I think we are sinking before we get to this next destination of teenage.

So are we in transit?

I sure hope so or this is a crash course for things to come!

Life is a school, all through it as we get a little familiar, a little comfortable life moves us on to the next lesson. I have been homeschooling the boys like the rest of the world, and I have a newfound respect for the teaching world. 

As a rebellious teenager myself, I used to love the saying those who can't teach. I am left humbled after this one year at home and have to say only those who can teach, while the rest of us pray and wait for this pandemic to get over so we can send them back to their teachers and we can get back to running around after them in between our coffee catch-ups!!

Meanwhile, I struggle with the changes in the education system that have made our kids so smart and aware, while I can surely say like my mother before me must have, "in our times there was none of this and none of that!!!"

Happy parenting and enjoy homeschooling!!

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teaching boys to be equal

Ever since I was a child, I held on to my mother every moment she was around me. Which was a good thing coz I lost her to a car accident right before I turned 12.

Almost thirty years since, her memories, her mannerism, and her simple but true love for me are all I remember. I think I was chronicle every moment with her if I have to. I love those memories, they are a very important part of me. 

So even before I ever thought of marrying I have always wanted a little girl of my own. It used to be so high on my list of wishes, everything else came in second I think. 

When I had my firstborn, I was so excited, thinking my dream is finally coming true. I had my older boy, I thought, well never mind, now that I am done and dusted with the pressure of having a boy. I can have a girl the next time. 

It did not happen, so now that I am blessed with two boys. I think the next best thing I can do is teach them to be equal to girls. 

A girl is always taught in our society that she has to have it all. If she wants to have a career, she has to be an excellent homemaker as well and has to have children as well. If not she's not complete. But is a man complete if he's just successful at his job? Will being an absentee son, father make him a complete man? 

I recently overheard an aunty exclaim, "These girls are so spoilt that even when they go for a movie, it's the father who takes the children to the washroom, Can you imagine!" she went on "The mothers sit and enjoy the movie." Well!! I wanted to tell her its because, given the time and safety concerns, your 9-year-old grandson cannot be sent alone to a public washroom and nor can the selfish mother take him to the ladies room, is the reason the father, your poor son has to take his child to the washroom!! 

Ever since I came to terms with not having girls of my own, a conscious decision has been to teach my boys to be equal to girls in every sphere. They have to know to pick up after themselves, to fix themselves their snack, and while enjoying their gadgets and video games, they have to know the importance to wind up after they are done. In short, inside the house or outside they have to know their way around the world just like girls their age do, so once they are older it is known that anybody can do anything and do away with these gender-defining terrains.

I thank my husband and mother-in-law for not putting up any sort of conversation to have it any other way. Not that it would have changed my mind on this decision, but just making it smoother and fewer people to explain myself to.

Till we realize that girls are capable but due to the entitlement boys are born to inherit, the girls have to keep proving themselves. It is the boys who have lost out on learning, knowing, and experiencing so many things in their lives. If they want to be equal to girls, it's time they too are taught about every sphere of life.

Here is hoping to raise a better human equal to the next in every sense of the word!!! 

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My COVID Valentine!!

I was never into heart, hug, chocolate, teddy, desert, kiss, rose, and any or all other days. 

Not saying I did not accept the said items when I was at the receiving end. Over time these items came from the boys rather than the other half, for which even I think deep down the husband was finally relieved to be let off from. 

This year when we decided to finally step out after completing a year indoors, Valentine's Day became special for other reasons, the weekend was a beautiful and memorable one day for us after such a long time of being cooped up indoors. 

Meeting close friends and family after a year's gap was such a welcome change I can't begin to express the gratitude I felt for having these special people in my life. A lovely sunny day in the winter sun is a thing many of us love to be part of. 

The fun, sounds of laughter, and lovely smells filled the air and we soaked it all in. Even the boys went without their gadgets for over an hour and that's something, given they hated any other get together other than a birthday party where they would be getting back presents too, in pre-covid times. 

When the day came to a close, we had built some happy memories to get us by till the time, we figure out the logistical nightmare it has become to be able to socialize responsibly in these strained times. 

I would never want to be the cause of spreading this to any vulnerable person, I know the feeling of the sudden loss of a loved one. 

 So if you can I think stepping out and meeting your closest two to three families, is a great experience. Fortunately for us, they had all also recently tested positive for antibodies. 

Here is wishing all of you out there a safe secure and loved atmosphere both at home and outdoors, should you choose to step out. 

Just a few words of caution, stay safe everyone!! 

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 blog spot https://unofficialsarcasticmommy.blogspot.com

clinging to teddies!!

 The last year has not been like any we have experienced in our life! the changes the world witnessed may have been some hat the world needed, to take time to pause, be home with family and generally slow down.

Work from home, home schooling, online classes were the new normal. Though as a family we have come together in more ways we can imagine, but the fact remains we are social animals and we seek our own. 

This cannot be more highlighted than the need of my younger one to seek out and search for his old teddies to play, talk and hang out with. Being in the vicinity of the first cases of the virus, ours were the first few homes that went into isolation and as we near the one year mark of our being home, the need to move out with an equal unease to get back out there are both equivalent.

This time gave us an opportunity to move back home to be with with my ailing mother-in-law and be with her. The change of not going out and moving out of their homes altogether has impacted not only us but the boys also a great deal. 

So, at first the idea of my younger one bringing his old teddies as his friends to the dining table and taking them to his play tent may have seemed cute and fun. But now his constant need to check up on them and his general attachment to them has us worried. 

Covid may have moved out, but certain peculiarities in behavior seem to be staying back. Behavioral changes are not something peers take kindly to at that age. With the news of schools to be re-opening soon, the anxiety of going back out and sending the kids on their own too will be another bridge that remains to be crossed!

Hope you are doing your bit to get back to the old-new world! Here's wishing you luck and hoping the transitions back is smooth and struggle free.

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