covid - the journey within

 Covid - the journey within!!!

To say I have a life of privilege or a life of comforts or a life with everything that I love complaining about would not have been enough in a pre-covid time. So to say there was no me, I was an extension of a mother, a wife, a grieving daughter.

But the journey from March 2020 to now has been of many silence filled with words and thoughts. Acceptance has crept in veins where restlessness and discontentment were the only fluid. Whether it's the acceptance of the journey my body has been through, which led to many mini Mary Kondo type cleans of various parts of my wardrobe. The sizes two and four have been passed on to more deserving wardrobes, where they are being used not stored for the day I finally lose the extra body in me. The towering stilettos are no longer there for me to look and sigh for the days gone by.

The mind too is empty now from social circuses and feels to be included. I enjoy being the spectator to dog birthday insta stories and get well soon hampers with cakes and wine on display, more to the point of not needing to do than mock anyone. I am empty of a desire to do anything that I do not want or need to.

The only lingering left is to travel and see and explore the corners of the world. The bustling markets of Egypt, the embankments of Venice, the endless greens of the English countryside, the vast emptiness on the islands of Fiji or Hawaii. A friend from school ticked her list of driving through Spain. It made me envious and happy and wistful all at the same time. Every year on January first my boys make their birthday lists for that year, which are four and six months away, "giving you time to prepare mum!!" is what they like to tell me.

Well, this year mine is ready too, filled with places I want to see and only that, but I felt it was all I want from life now!!

(what are your aspirations in this new year? Do share...)