multitasking or multi-messing!!!

 multi-tasking or multi-messing!!!

The things we do in the name of multitasking amaze me sometimes. I mean as, if I had a penny for every time I have had breakfast, charged my phone, done my hair, fixed my face all in the 20 minutes before I reach the school gate in time for carpool duty, I should have a pretty neat sum piling up somewhere. I mean, we are all mothers, and we have all done some variation of that every opportunity we get.

I mean, if you were to only see my coffee table, with DIY- kits, sheet masks, pending paperwork, snacks, green tea bag, and what not after I put the kids to bed like I am going to conquer the night. We are all guilty of feeling guilty and secretly wanting to live up a little as mothers. Every evening I make my callbacks, think, procrastinate, plan the coming day, dinner, all in the 40 minutes I walk in the evening all the while supervising the boys as they cycle.

These days while trying to keep the kids away from gadgets, I am now known to be watching some show, some documentary, some home improvement show, anything, while cooking as I can't be doing it with the kids around. We are all mothers, we are all doing variations of it as we have to or things would all come tumbling down. Do you ever imagine yourself as the juggler you see in funfairs, with all these balls in the air, he does not start with so many. He has one then keeps adding, but as life moves on I feel every day is not a fresh start, we start each day with the balls we did not drop the previous day, and everyday we drop some and add some.

Even things meant for relaxation are fitted into tight schedules and multitasked, where more often than not there is no satisfaction in it other than just that it's done and dusted. The amount I want to pack in a day sometimes scares me, am I burning the candle both ways, but there is so much to do and you would not have it any other way and have to do it all, you let all the joy slide out of life.

Getting relaxing, me-time is first a fight to get there and then to be done with it. I thought of all this and more while planning the coming week schedules, menus, exam prep, meetings, and in between a voice just saying your walk time is for your to relax and unwind. Then back to did I turn in the younger ones' book week project, have to pack for the upcoming girls trip, schedule salon trip before that, friends birthday gifts, invitations to make, and invitations to decline.

In between all of that this realization was the tiny moment I thought that this multitasking is just multi-messing of everything I am doing. Not that there was anything I did or could do to stop or even slow down these racing thoughts running through my head.

Ah! carry a small diary and pen next time I go for a walk and write everything that comes to mind while walking, that should clear my head... what say, girls!!!

covid - the journey within

 Covid - the journey within!!!

To say I have a life of privilege or a life of comforts or a life with everything that I love complaining about would not have been enough in a pre-covid time. So to say there was no me, I was an extension of a mother, a wife, a grieving daughter.

But the journey from March 2020 to now has been of many silence filled with words and thoughts. Acceptance has crept in veins where restlessness and discontentment were the only fluid. Whether it's the acceptance of the journey my body has been through, which led to many mini Mary Kondo type cleans of various parts of my wardrobe. The sizes two and four have been passed on to more deserving wardrobes, where they are being used not stored for the day I finally lose the extra body in me. The towering stilettos are no longer there for me to look and sigh for the days gone by.

The mind too is empty now from social circuses and feels to be included. I enjoy being the spectator to dog birthday insta stories and get well soon hampers with cakes and wine on display, more to the point of not needing to do than mock anyone. I am empty of a desire to do anything that I do not want or need to.

The only lingering left is to travel and see and explore the corners of the world. The bustling markets of Egypt, the embankments of Venice, the endless greens of the English countryside, the vast emptiness on the islands of Fiji or Hawaii. A friend from school ticked her list of driving through Spain. It made me envious and happy and wistful all at the same time. Every year on January first my boys make their birthday lists for that year, which are four and six months away, "giving you time to prepare mum!!" is what they like to tell me.

Well, this year mine is ready too, filled with places I want to see and only that, but I felt it was all I want from life now!!

(what are your aspirations in this new year? Do share...)

when this is all over....

 

When this is all over is the top thing on anyone's mind these days... 

The hope in us to get to the other side of the pandemic is greater than ever. 

Where every family I know has someone or another struggling to fight this virus. We are hopeful and want to be positive and I that thinking ahead helps. 

Here are few things we must all do when all this over; the topmost on everyone's list should be to BE KIND. We will all be in some state of mourning, so let us agree to make kindness the new normal. 

Let us teach our children while they are home, to not pick on or let anyone pick on each other when they go back to school. No one should have to tell them of their loss to give them a break.

Let self-esteem not be an issue for anyone, with maybe the loss of a parent or a sibling, there would be enough on the plates. 

Let us make up our minds to not be snarky or judge anyone by their clothes, shoes, hairstyles, old bags, ill-fitting clothes, etc. 

Let appearances not be a thing, let mental well-being be more important than the physical one of the people around you. 

Let Happy be the most important thing. 

Most importantly let the new normal not include the vulgar display of wealth and rubbing it in people's faces be frowned upon or better still shunned. 

Many are losing family, friends, source of livelihood, they need all of the above and more.

Let firing people not be any industry norm when things open back up. 

Instead, set aside if you can to help someone with something every month. Maybe extra rations or stationary for your domestic help. Some fruits for the guard at your society gates. Clothes for the children of people working all around you. A shirt for your sweeper, a toy for that child walking with him in the heat, something anything. 

Let us make up our minds going forward to keep kindness, happiness, hope, and humility on our minds at all times, coz we all know we are going to need them too. 

Let us vow to give out what we want to receive back in return going forward... I am trying, will you???

#unofficialsarcasticmommy #momswhoblog #COVID19 #indianmomblogger #kindness #letus #kindness #positivevibes #humanity #goingforward #thistooshallpass #whenthisisover

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hope bubble in a gloomy world...

hope bubble in a gloomy world....

As we see the number of cases, tragedies, and the sheer amount of loss of life and families. You have to choose for your family to make a bubble where the children don't feel your stress and your elders don't get more anxious.

We think we have done it last year we can do it again. It's not that simple, and it's not the same. For starters last year was a year of firsts - online school, work from home, staying indoors, no summer holidays. But there was also hope in the children when this is over we will do this, go here, meet them.

When part-time physical school was to start from April term, I did not know who was happier, me or them!! But it all came crashing down too soon too fast!!

This new strain brings new questions, is this going to our life going forward? But it's a question for another time, why? I will tell you children are frustrated they are tired they are anxious. So are we, but we can do what they cannot. Let us try to make a bubble for them to live in. They are at home, but now it is our choice to make it a joyful place or a prison sentence.

On the day school was canceled once again my boys cried so hard it broke my heart to see how much they were looking forward to getting out of the house and on with their lives. Now that vacation has started, it has changed the mood a bit. But the gloominess was not going away.

So we made new plans for home, we don't enter the bedroom till its bedtime, we make lunch picnics on the balcony looking out at the world. Every day is different, I let them choose the agenda for the day and snack and dinner. It helps that my older one is into cooking, it's like therapy for him. One day they made a tent house out of old sheets like they do earlier but this time, we moved in there for the day.

So if you are blessed and lucky to not have anyone with covid at home currently and have children, try to live like them for them. It is not easy, I have extended family not keeping well, which breaks my heart to not be with them at this time. But they have care and are blessed to be in hands of able doctors and caretakers. But my children are in my hands and under my care.

They decide their day, their meals (I know to sneak in the healthy bits), their activities and I have to only play along. It makes them fell in control of something, these small decisions keep them distracted and settled for small bursts of time, till something reminds them of the outside world.

If you too have anxious children at home, try and create a bubble for them for the time being. It helps tremendously with your stress levels too. Do try it even if for a day if you can and let me know your thoughts...

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I let you do what you want....

As someone who choose to be at home after marriage Rabya thought she was empowered and in charge of her own life. Having chosen to not pursue her master's abroad but come back and work with her father as he incurred some business setbacks. Over the years father-daughter worked hard to bring back the business close to its initial heights. That towards the end of her engagement period faced with other stressful situations, Rabya decided she had enough of the corporate world and now that her younger brother had completed his education and joined the family business, the result of her hard work was in good hands.

But over the years a sense of regret seemed to have been building. The peers and friends who had joined the corporate world were high up in their corporate journeys. While she whoever she really had been, began to feel lost. Her husband had a flourishing business and since it was a joint set-up with his brothers, she was convinced it was not for her, as it was made clear women of the house were not needed in the office.

But as with every family business with the onset of some setbacks, the usual family stories from the times of the Mahabharata began creeping in first at work and then at home. All the rosey times had thorns attached! During the lockdown for the first time in her life feeling a financial crunch in her life, she regretted her decision bitterly.

But realization brought her to the fact none of the decisions were solely hers. The norms of society, the patriarchal ways, the expected behavior, the stigma to be a good daughter/wife/mother were all part of every decision. Some meant well, like an aunt telling you after your engagement, that you deserved a break from all this to enjoy life, so take a break! The husband who told her, its too soon to start something on her own, as the baby still needed her. 

Whether knowingly or unknowingly our minds are so blurred with the thoughts and notions of right and wrong, that the lines get lost. 

The bitter realization was when during one such now regular argument she heard "I let you do what you want." 

It was like a slap to the fact that she thought she was a woman of today, and her marriage was a partnership of equals.

Nobody can let anybody do anything she wanted to think unless you call it manipulation. Can you a mother or a father tell their toddler to stay away from the toy they want!! Then how can you tell a grown woman that you let her do what she wants?

Why are women being "allowed", anything? Why can't we be the ones who decide for ourselves to hold back or not!! 

Please don't "let" us, we will live!!!

I want to live...

At the end of a long and tiring day, what is your go-to thing to unwind? For me, it seldom happens that I reach there. During the day I am just putting off things to do for myself for this time.

Sit back and soak my feet in hot water, that DIY mask, the new flavor of green tea I have been wanting to try, read that half-completed book, the half-finished series on Netflix. The me-time gets more stressful when I have to decide what to pick and what to put off till my tomorrow me-time, coz I know I am going to fall asleep the minute I do relax.

It happens to the best of us. With the monotony of being home all day, the other day I just wanted to get out in the car for a bit. The kids had made the whole house wet or messy post holi and were too spent to move from their gadget for the next hour at least. I felt so lost when the husband just chose to ignore and keep about doing his things while telling me that let me wind up and we will see where to go.

An hour after doing this and as always assuming something would need my attention and I would have to let go. It then struck me, I picked up the car keys and walked out without saying a word. I did not want another minute wasted on conversation and further plans for the future.

That one hour of driving around the long-forgotten empty streets took me back to my initial college days of just driving for pleasure, of just going anywhere with the idea to enjoy the drive, not the destination! I did nothing, stoped nowhere, bought nothing, it was me and the empty road. Halfway through I realized the pleasure of just living and doing what I want to for me.

It did not have an agenda and rush or stress to do anything. The "me" gets lost in a marriage, in motherhood, in careers. The end of the drive brought this realization, I want to be able to do things for myself without feeling the weight and pressure of life.

Stop and pause, drink that coffee, smell those flowers, enjoy the breeze.... live your life too.... it's the only one you are also going to get.

We have to stop feeling guilty for self-love. We have to stop explaining ourselves to everyone including ourselves. Just breathe and live a little. #unofficialsarcasticmommy #moretome #indianmomblogger #momlife #noexplanationneeded #justme #ontheroad #forgottenplaces #imatter #iamenough blog spot https://unofficialsarcasticmommy.blogspot.com

life in waiting...

Growing up we all have those dreams of traveling the world or conquering the world or doing something to that effect. But once college is done, life happens for most of us. First, we start by planning for the big things. A long holiday to your favorite destination, we make it the target but once we are near the target, something else comes up and we make do with a smaller lollipop, putting it off for another time. Till we reach a time when we are just putting off our entire life for another time, starting from the things you always thought as a child you would do once you grew up to the watch list on your Netflix!! Make smaller lists, so the sense of achievement remains someone suggested. It does help when I achieve the smaller things on my list like enjoy 20 minutes without kids, or start a series I have been meaning to watch or achieve a small target work-wise. But the other day when my kids discussed with me their list once the virus goes away, and my elder one noted we will also go to Paris for the summer like you have wanted to since you were small. At that moment it struck me, am I living my life and while the life I want to live is in waiting. When will I get there, will I get there at all. There are times in life when reality hits you hard. You take stock and try to direct it your way. Can we find a way to stay on track? We can't hold time, so should we just only live in the now? How does that work, with kids and a house and a husband and extended family and work commitments? The only thing, events from just before the pandemic and the pandemic itself have made me crave and seek out are things I want to do in life, will I have a content life... or am I heading for a life in waiting? #unofficialsarcasticmommy #COVID19 #indianmomblogger #beingmom #momlife #dontjudge #parenting #beingmom #badmom #prenager #boyswillbeboys #growingup #backtoschool #COVID19 #momlife #momsandkids #school #schoollife #feelitreelit #momlife #indianmomblogger #indianmoms #indianmomsbelike #indiankids #momandsongoals #momandsonmoments #momandsonmoments #girlpower #equality #mothersanddaughters #mothersandsons #wecan #wecare #RaiseTheBar #livingmybestlife #life #livingthedream #livinglife #dreams #wishlist blog spot https://unofficialsarcasticmommy.blogspot.com