save me I'm a mom of a pre-nager

Terrible twos, adolescent, puberty a mother's life is never as smooth. We are dealing with one meltdown after another.

Recently, my soon to be eleven years old had a temper tantrum he seems to have missed as an adolescent, in between sobs he tried explaining to me, "can't you understand leave me alone, I am not a child I am a pre-nager!!"

Well here I thought I had few good years coming my way before he became a teenager and the younger one was growing out of the temper tantrums.

Amazingly, he had a term for what he was having, otherwise, I wonder if I would have entered this time questioning my skills as a mother of having a cranky teenager before he even became one.

I asked my friends what to make of this, they tell me they are in the same boat and I think we are sinking before we get to this next destination of teenage.

So are we in transit?

I sure hope so or this is a crash course for things to come!

Life is a school, all through it as we get a little familiar, a little comfortable life moves us on to the next lesson. I have been homeschooling the boys like the rest of the world, and I have a newfound respect for the teaching world. 

As a rebellious teenager myself, I used to love the saying those who can't teach. I am left humbled after this one year at home and have to say only those who can teach, while the rest of us pray and wait for this pandemic to get over so we can send them back to their teachers and we can get back to running around after them in between our coffee catch-ups!!

Meanwhile, I struggle with the changes in the education system that have made our kids so smart and aware, while I can surely say like my mother before me must have, "in our times there was none of this and none of that!!!"

Happy parenting and enjoy homeschooling!!

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teaching boys to be equal

Ever since I was a child, I held on to my mother every moment she was around me. Which was a good thing coz I lost her to a car accident right before I turned 12.

Almost thirty years since, her memories, her mannerism, and her simple but true love for me are all I remember. I think I was chronicle every moment with her if I have to. I love those memories, they are a very important part of me. 

So even before I ever thought of marrying I have always wanted a little girl of my own. It used to be so high on my list of wishes, everything else came in second I think. 

When I had my firstborn, I was so excited, thinking my dream is finally coming true. I had my older boy, I thought, well never mind, now that I am done and dusted with the pressure of having a boy. I can have a girl the next time. 

It did not happen, so now that I am blessed with two boys. I think the next best thing I can do is teach them to be equal to girls. 

A girl is always taught in our society that she has to have it all. If she wants to have a career, she has to be an excellent homemaker as well and has to have children as well. If not she's not complete. But is a man complete if he's just successful at his job? Will being an absentee son, father make him a complete man? 

I recently overheard an aunty exclaim, "These girls are so spoilt that even when they go for a movie, it's the father who takes the children to the washroom, Can you imagine!" she went on "The mothers sit and enjoy the movie." Well!! I wanted to tell her its because, given the time and safety concerns, your 9-year-old grandson cannot be sent alone to a public washroom and nor can the selfish mother take him to the ladies room, is the reason the father, your poor son has to take his child to the washroom!! 

Ever since I came to terms with not having girls of my own, a conscious decision has been to teach my boys to be equal to girls in every sphere. They have to know to pick up after themselves, to fix themselves their snack, and while enjoying their gadgets and video games, they have to know the importance to wind up after they are done. In short, inside the house or outside they have to know their way around the world just like girls their age do, so once they are older it is known that anybody can do anything and do away with these gender-defining terrains.

I thank my husband and mother-in-law for not putting up any sort of conversation to have it any other way. Not that it would have changed my mind on this decision, but just making it smoother and fewer people to explain myself to.

Till we realize that girls are capable but due to the entitlement boys are born to inherit, the girls have to keep proving themselves. It is the boys who have lost out on learning, knowing, and experiencing so many things in their lives. If they want to be equal to girls, it's time they too are taught about every sphere of life.

Here is hoping to raise a better human equal to the next in every sense of the word!!! 

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My COVID Valentine!!

I was never into heart, hug, chocolate, teddy, desert, kiss, rose, and any or all other days. 

Not saying I did not accept the said items when I was at the receiving end. Over time these items came from the boys rather than the other half, for which even I think deep down the husband was finally relieved to be let off from. 

This year when we decided to finally step out after completing a year indoors, Valentine's Day became special for other reasons, the weekend was a beautiful and memorable one day for us after such a long time of being cooped up indoors. 

Meeting close friends and family after a year's gap was such a welcome change I can't begin to express the gratitude I felt for having these special people in my life. A lovely sunny day in the winter sun is a thing many of us love to be part of. 

The fun, sounds of laughter, and lovely smells filled the air and we soaked it all in. Even the boys went without their gadgets for over an hour and that's something, given they hated any other get together other than a birthday party where they would be getting back presents too, in pre-covid times. 

When the day came to a close, we had built some happy memories to get us by till the time, we figure out the logistical nightmare it has become to be able to socialize responsibly in these strained times. 

I would never want to be the cause of spreading this to any vulnerable person, I know the feeling of the sudden loss of a loved one. 

 So if you can I think stepping out and meeting your closest two to three families, is a great experience. Fortunately for us, they had all also recently tested positive for antibodies. 

Here is wishing all of you out there a safe secure and loved atmosphere both at home and outdoors, should you choose to step out. 

Just a few words of caution, stay safe everyone!! 

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clinging to teddies!!

 The last year has not been like any we have experienced in our life! the changes the world witnessed may have been some hat the world needed, to take time to pause, be home with family and generally slow down.

Work from home, home schooling, online classes were the new normal. Though as a family we have come together in more ways we can imagine, but the fact remains we are social animals and we seek our own. 

This cannot be more highlighted than the need of my younger one to seek out and search for his old teddies to play, talk and hang out with. Being in the vicinity of the first cases of the virus, ours were the first few homes that went into isolation and as we near the one year mark of our being home, the need to move out with an equal unease to get back out there are both equivalent.

This time gave us an opportunity to move back home to be with with my ailing mother-in-law and be with her. The change of not going out and moving out of their homes altogether has impacted not only us but the boys also a great deal. 

So, at first the idea of my younger one bringing his old teddies as his friends to the dining table and taking them to his play tent may have seemed cute and fun. But now his constant need to check up on them and his general attachment to them has us worried. 

Covid may have moved out, but certain peculiarities in behavior seem to be staying back. Behavioral changes are not something peers take kindly to at that age. With the news of schools to be re-opening soon, the anxiety of going back out and sending the kids on their own too will be another bridge that remains to be crossed!

Hope you are doing your bit to get back to the old-new world! Here's wishing you luck and hoping the transitions back is smooth and struggle free.

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back to school....

back to school....

While I have been waiting like many other mommies to get the kids back to school... when I got the email saying they will be sending the schedule for schools re-opening, it was a scary news for me.

Just yesterday a mother had shared on the group about 200 school children getting COVID as soon as they went back to school! scary!!!

I have said many times I can't wait till they go back to school. But now that the moment has come I am not sure, how we will let it happen.

Is it safe!! How will things workout? How will we manage things the pick the drop? Many other questions fill my mind, will they be giving a snack in school? how will we manage to keep the stationary sanitized? The masks, which never seem to stay on the face!!!

A mothers worry never ends, we don't bring it upon ourselves I assure you, life as mothers does it for us. Meanwhile I walk into the boys room, and they have changed into their school uniform and getting ready for school!!! awww

love my crazy monkeys!!! Are you excited for back to school and your kids, am sure they too can't wait!!!

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surveillance and supervision

surveillance and supervision

As mothers we develop a sense of skills we never knew we had:

Kidsr room is too quiet somethings happening.

The route is bit bumpy, get ready for throwing up.

Ate a sugary snack too late in the evening be prepared for hyper babies at bed time.

But in the beginning we did not have all the answers, in fact we are all clueless what lies at the end of the pregnancy glows.

For the longest time with my older one, I used to be beady eyed by bed time and this tot would not go to bed let alone blink an eye. Till one day we missed afternoon siesta and within an hour of dinner this ones knocked out.

So being our journeys as mothers is of listening and observing and by surveillance and supervision.

Which is why sometimes I feel for spying work a job requisite must be to have teenagers at home or just being a mom.

Call us hovering or helicopter or buzzing moms but hey we get things done.

Sure those of you who have left the jobs to dads for a day have seen the amazing outcomes at the end of those days!!

So happy mommying and enjoy the bumps along the way. I sure already have epic stories which made me cry in the moment that I laugh at now.

I may hate it at times... but I love my job! hope you feel the same...

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learning and teaching....

Over the course of the last year there is a lot I have learnt, few things I have wanted to for long but never really got around to. While other things I never wanted to but had no option or say in the matter.

lets start with he few things I have always thought in my head I can better:

• Baking: I get by in cooking but back of my mind was a block that I'm not good coz my cakes came out like blocks of rock and cookies like balls of dough. the lock down gave me all the time in the world, now even my all atta, no sugar (with substitutes), no oil cakes come out moist.

The icing was however the few icing cakes I did bake and maybe it was the unavailability of options but they tasted decent. 

• Art/ drawing/ doodling: as a child I used to love my pencils and coloring stationary and could spend hours with a few sheets and some colors. With growing up somewhere after loosing my mother in pre-teens, I dropped the hobby. With the lockdown the running from one sports/ boys activities to other stopped. They too had never discovered the joy of creating. 

The lockdown gave us many online classes for art and in trying to make them sit and do something other than glaring at the screens all summer, I let them glare for learning something.

The Joy of just my colors and plain sheets to be filled with my imagination has come back.

The flip side was the online school, I am all drawn out for diagrams, maps and illustrations!!

So while I did get to enjoy things that gave me joy, I have no say home schooling and learning has taught me a kind of patience I did not know I had or want. I wait anxiously for the day the schools will re-open so I can send the boys and enjoy the pleasure of missing them once they are not around for few hours.

What has brought you joy in the last year that was missing earlier and what made you miss your life of constant running around that you can't wait to re-start??

 I miss the outings, the coffee with friends, the traveling, the get togethers and the feeling of meeting family, friends. The ice-cream, desert dates with my boys, most of all movie outings with the little monkeys squealing with excitement. 

Wait.... I have had enough of them for some time, well I guess not!!! Mom for life!!!

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of winter barbecues and cooking tips from my 10 yr old!

of winter barbecues and cooking tips from my 10 yr old!

Having a small open space on the outskirts of the city is what everyone craves to enjoy some winter sun and home made goodies. Every year our little place converted into weekend party central for couple of weeks, as I tried to make smaller groups to make these days more intimate and everyone is able to enjoy each other rather than awkward groups.

This year we have not even had a single, so when two of my friends asked me about it I thought why not. So much has happened and not happened also in this last year. So planning for my first party has begun after almost a year, sure more precautions will be in place. The boys sure are more excited than would have been any other earlier time I would be planning this.

Most of us have recently had mild covid and have got our antibodies done. We were not brash enough to use it to start mad traveling and crowding the limited option available (see earlier post).

Meanwhile, sonny boy tells me at breakfast today, momma next time you want to make our pancake healthy, please add banana and not oats to the them!!!! Fingers crossed he will take over weekend and holiday breakfast preparations soon.....

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new normal...!!

new normal...!!

What ever said and done post 2020 its not going to be the way we were for some time.

The new normal now is masks, sanitizers, temperature guns at every entrance. Its the conversation starter, if earlier moms had to carry wipes, sanitizers, mosquito patches for the kids at all times.

Now its masks, shields, sanitizers, wipes, their own water. Don't get me started on masks, masks are new house keys, to be hunted every time we leave the house. Nowhere near sight when we are leaving and miracle bags are full of old masks upon return.

Earlier the boys would plan their junk meal of the day before stepping out, now I have to plan and carry their snack (that too to their liking). So now stepping out with them has become a bigger neck strain than before.

But to think of it with the vaccine coming out more people are stepping out, not that they have received the shot, but more likely had the asymptomatic version of the virus.

And it's not the end of the new normal, a million other things will come up when schools reopen and other life also goes back to what it was schedule wise.

Whats your new normal for stepping out with kids??

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moms and memes...

moms and memes...

One of the main requisite for being a mom is being able to handle Stuff....

It can mean anything from a tantrum in the middle of the 4th aisle , to last minute project assignments, to midnight pains and aches one night to midnight hungers the next.

Patience, love caring aside, if we did not have our sense of humor lot of "stuff" that goes down would never be handled. I have had my fair share, from my younger toddler declaring he's too tired to sit in his stroller and lying down on the floor of a mall, refusing to get up, to the other bringing demands at the very last minute.

Sure it took time to develop the thick skin, well not really, lot of midnight deserts are also a contributor, but when stuff needs to be done moms are the ones doing it!

So to all the moms out there doing your thing, Salute and fist bumps!! we are doing alright and getting there, all memes and tears in tow. Only thing enjoy the ride while you are at it... coz there aint no other life to live!!

Heres to happy mommying and all the things that keep our sanity!!

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sound of a ticking clock

Sound of a ticking clock

For want of a better title... as nothing could describe the silence that was there for a few minutes today between wash up and dinner, it was a sound my ears had forgotten.

At first I felt a loud ticking and wondered what was going to conk off. On looking around the room my eyes stopped at one of my oldest possessions, a wall clock.

Growing up I used to hate the sound of it when I would try to sleep even, its too eerie for me I would think. Its like life is passing my with every tick, I would say.

But after years of non-stop chatter, running, crying, tantrums it was such a welcome sound!

The few minutes with this sound took me back to the time I actually hated hearing it, till I was brought back to reality with "what's for dinner!" "I want...." "I don't..."

It was a surprise visit of an old acquaintance and I welcomed the few moments with it. But thinking back, I don't want to hear that sound often, I am happy with the chatter, the banter, the crying, and yelling and screaming!!

What is wrong with me.... have I become that mom!!

How does your empty time pass you by?? Or are you too becoming a mom!!!

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