hope bubble in a gloomy world...

hope bubble in a gloomy world....

As we see the number of cases, tragedies, and the sheer amount of loss of life and families. You have to choose for your family to make a bubble where the children don't feel your stress and your elders don't get more anxious.

We think we have done it last year we can do it again. It's not that simple, and it's not the same. For starters last year was a year of firsts - online school, work from home, staying indoors, no summer holidays. But there was also hope in the children when this is over we will do this, go here, meet them.

When part-time physical school was to start from April term, I did not know who was happier, me or them!! But it all came crashing down too soon too fast!!

This new strain brings new questions, is this going to our life going forward? But it's a question for another time, why? I will tell you children are frustrated they are tired they are anxious. So are we, but we can do what they cannot. Let us try to make a bubble for them to live in. They are at home, but now it is our choice to make it a joyful place or a prison sentence.

On the day school was canceled once again my boys cried so hard it broke my heart to see how much they were looking forward to getting out of the house and on with their lives. Now that vacation has started, it has changed the mood a bit. But the gloominess was not going away.

So we made new plans for home, we don't enter the bedroom till its bedtime, we make lunch picnics on the balcony looking out at the world. Every day is different, I let them choose the agenda for the day and snack and dinner. It helps that my older one is into cooking, it's like therapy for him. One day they made a tent house out of old sheets like they do earlier but this time, we moved in there for the day.

So if you are blessed and lucky to not have anyone with covid at home currently and have children, try to live like them for them. It is not easy, I have extended family not keeping well, which breaks my heart to not be with them at this time. But they have care and are blessed to be in hands of able doctors and caretakers. But my children are in my hands and under my care.

They decide their day, their meals (I know to sneak in the healthy bits), their activities and I have to only play along. It makes them fell in control of something, these small decisions keep them distracted and settled for small bursts of time, till something reminds them of the outside world.

If you too have anxious children at home, try and create a bubble for them for the time being. It helps tremendously with your stress levels too. Do try it even if for a day if you can and let me know your thoughts...

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new kind of deja vu...

 Weeks and days on end of trying to tell people to be cautious, careful, and it is not over yet, seem to be coming true.

The new variant, the ever more rapid spread, the loss of human life. We cannot even ask where did we mess up. As I can tell you many, too many people were ignoring the masks, sanitizers, social distancing.

It's sad while we come back to our houses and coop us inside once more, the people who don't have the option are standing in queues at the hospitals, bus stands, railway stations.

It brings back the horrors of the last year back to us. But this time this is not deja vu, it's that old feeling with new horrors, as families are wiped out.

At this time of loss and grief, we must hold each other and comfort one another. The lines for an oxygen cylinder, the horror of black marketing at this time of essential life-saving medicines. We don't know whether to cry in pain or scream in shock. Why as a race we want to live for eternity, but do nothing about it. 

The pollution, the corruption, the lack of responsibility, it's all too enraging. But we forget, once the immediate crises are averted we forget. But this disease is not letting us forget, it is fighting back, for the first time in many of our adult lives we have seen something like this. The memes tell us, something that can kill you can be kept away by just washing your hands. It makes you wonder! It is like the game of chess and we are the novice players and this virus is emerging as the grandmaster. 

It's the rare occasions the novice emerges as the winner, beginners luck some would call it, but where this grandmaster of a virus is concerned we are being made the novice, and unless we can strike up that beginners luck, it is here to stay and very much take away years of precious life from us even if we don't catch it ourself.

So unless you want to make this the permanent new normal, the longing for leaving the house, the yearning of our children to go to school, even simple pleasures of meeting friends, to traveling the world, let us vow to follow rules till it's over for good.

I love to travel the world, see new places, meet new people, motherhood had put many destinations on hold, the regret of not doing it earlier is building, the sadness of it all is so heartbreaking, among many other things like the boys birthdays, little celebrations of life, big occasions all being put on hold. But life does not hold or stand still it keeps on moving.

Stay home and keep yourselves and your loved ones safe...

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being that woman...

Every woman knows another woman, who at a certain point we want to refer to as nothing but "that woman". Some of us start early, teenagers may begin by using it for their moms or a strict teacher, or some girl they have some drama with. 

After few years when we reach work/ married life, we may have one, a few, or many of "that woman", in our lives. These women at the school stage especially like the mothers and the teachers generally mean well, but we could not care less at the point as we want to assert ourselves too. 

But in later life, these are usually the opposite the reason and cause of much of the drama in our lives. The colleague who hates your guts, the family member who loves to twist you in knots. 

Am I "that woman" to many people I know? I sure hope not, but know a few where I must be!! When I had my second boy many around me assured me, "don't worry, you will bring home two daughters." While others cautioned me, "no two girls, even two sisters are alike!" This chain of thought surprised me even more as it came from another woman, a very close friend, at that. Why was this notion specific to girls!! Surely no two boys are also alike! 

It's because the boys till now stayed put in mommies homes, it's the girls who have to move in with strangers and "adjust" to all the drama. I can sing all high notes about myself here, as to what an amazing giver I am as a human, which I like to believe is true! I try not to be judgmental of anyone no matter their doings. But if you cross me, well I have luckily been brought to make sure I cross you back, not by hook or crook, but with a reply nevertheless!

Is it wrong when others do it and not when you retaliate, no matter the reason? "That woman", has been the cause of many a misery for me through the years, but now I try to keep my sanity by just letting myself be. 

It has ended lots of unnecessary drama and believe me when I say initially it would bite me to try to take the high road, so as soon as I worked out the courage to be able to reply without losing it, I started with that, say your bit and get out.

Do I still lose it sometimes, yes sure, not applying for sainthood anywhere? But my personal well-being is most important to me is what I have realized over time.

May you be able to ignore the drama not needed and give back aptly where needed. Hoping you find the road you want to take for that growth!! Till then let "that woman" be just that and nothing else in your mind and life!!

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I let you do what you want....

As someone who choose to be at home after marriage Rabya thought she was empowered and in charge of her own life. Having chosen to not pursue her master's abroad but come back and work with her father as he incurred some business setbacks. Over the years father-daughter worked hard to bring back the business close to its initial heights. That towards the end of her engagement period faced with other stressful situations, Rabya decided she had enough of the corporate world and now that her younger brother had completed his education and joined the family business, the result of her hard work was in good hands.

But over the years a sense of regret seemed to have been building. The peers and friends who had joined the corporate world were high up in their corporate journeys. While she whoever she really had been, began to feel lost. Her husband had a flourishing business and since it was a joint set-up with his brothers, she was convinced it was not for her, as it was made clear women of the house were not needed in the office.

But as with every family business with the onset of some setbacks, the usual family stories from the times of the Mahabharata began creeping in first at work and then at home. All the rosey times had thorns attached! During the lockdown for the first time in her life feeling a financial crunch in her life, she regretted her decision bitterly.

But realization brought her to the fact none of the decisions were solely hers. The norms of society, the patriarchal ways, the expected behavior, the stigma to be a good daughter/wife/mother were all part of every decision. Some meant well, like an aunt telling you after your engagement, that you deserved a break from all this to enjoy life, so take a break! The husband who told her, its too soon to start something on her own, as the baby still needed her. 

Whether knowingly or unknowingly our minds are so blurred with the thoughts and notions of right and wrong, that the lines get lost. 

The bitter realization was when during one such now regular argument she heard "I let you do what you want." 

It was like a slap to the fact that she thought she was a woman of today, and her marriage was a partnership of equals.

Nobody can let anybody do anything she wanted to think unless you call it manipulation. Can you a mother or a father tell their toddler to stay away from the toy they want!! Then how can you tell a grown woman that you let her do what she wants?

Why are women being "allowed", anything? Why can't we be the ones who decide for ourselves to hold back or not!! 

Please don't "let" us, we will live!!!

I want to live...

At the end of a long and tiring day, what is your go-to thing to unwind? For me, it seldom happens that I reach there. During the day I am just putting off things to do for myself for this time.

Sit back and soak my feet in hot water, that DIY mask, the new flavor of green tea I have been wanting to try, read that half-completed book, the half-finished series on Netflix. The me-time gets more stressful when I have to decide what to pick and what to put off till my tomorrow me-time, coz I know I am going to fall asleep the minute I do relax.

It happens to the best of us. With the monotony of being home all day, the other day I just wanted to get out in the car for a bit. The kids had made the whole house wet or messy post holi and were too spent to move from their gadget for the next hour at least. I felt so lost when the husband just chose to ignore and keep about doing his things while telling me that let me wind up and we will see where to go.

An hour after doing this and as always assuming something would need my attention and I would have to let go. It then struck me, I picked up the car keys and walked out without saying a word. I did not want another minute wasted on conversation and further plans for the future.

That one hour of driving around the long-forgotten empty streets took me back to my initial college days of just driving for pleasure, of just going anywhere with the idea to enjoy the drive, not the destination! I did nothing, stoped nowhere, bought nothing, it was me and the empty road. Halfway through I realized the pleasure of just living and doing what I want to for me.

It did not have an agenda and rush or stress to do anything. The "me" gets lost in a marriage, in motherhood, in careers. The end of the drive brought this realization, I want to be able to do things for myself without feeling the weight and pressure of life.

Stop and pause, drink that coffee, smell those flowers, enjoy the breeze.... live your life too.... it's the only one you are also going to get.

We have to stop feeling guilty for self-love. We have to stop explaining ourselves to everyone including ourselves. Just breathe and live a little. #unofficialsarcasticmommy #moretome #indianmomblogger #momlife #noexplanationneeded #justme #ontheroad #forgottenplaces #imatter #iamenough blog spot https://unofficialsarcasticmommy.blogspot.com