life in waiting...

Growing up we all have those dreams of traveling the world or conquering the world or doing something to that effect. But once college is done, life happens for most of us. First, we start by planning for the big things. A long holiday to your favorite destination, we make it the target but once we are near the target, something else comes up and we make do with a smaller lollipop, putting it off for another time. Till we reach a time when we are just putting off our entire life for another time, starting from the things you always thought as a child you would do once you grew up to the watch list on your Netflix!! Make smaller lists, so the sense of achievement remains someone suggested. It does help when I achieve the smaller things on my list like enjoy 20 minutes without kids, or start a series I have been meaning to watch or achieve a small target work-wise. But the other day when my kids discussed with me their list once the virus goes away, and my elder one noted we will also go to Paris for the summer like you have wanted to since you were small. At that moment it struck me, am I living my life and while the life I want to live is in waiting. When will I get there, will I get there at all. There are times in life when reality hits you hard. You take stock and try to direct it your way. Can we find a way to stay on track? We can't hold time, so should we just only live in the now? How does that work, with kids and a house and a husband and extended family and work commitments? The only thing, events from just before the pandemic and the pandemic itself have made me crave and seek out are things I want to do in life, will I have a content life... or am I heading for a life in waiting? #unofficialsarcasticmommy #COVID19 #indianmomblogger #beingmom #momlife #dontjudge #parenting #beingmom #badmom #prenager #boyswillbeboys #growingup #backtoschool #COVID19 #momlife #momsandkids #school #schoollife #feelitreelit #momlife #indianmomblogger #indianmoms #indianmomsbelike #indiankids #momandsongoals #momandsonmoments #momandsonmoments #girlpower #equality #mothersanddaughters #mothersandsons #wecan #wecare #RaiseTheBar #livingmybestlife #life #livingthedream #livinglife #dreams #wishlist blog spot https://unofficialsarcasticmommy.blogspot.com

when you will have children... you will know!!

It a line I always heard growing up repeatedly, when you will have children... you will know!!

Can I say now I do!!

My mom would go to the extent to say, we are going to spoil your kids so silly, you will remember what kind of brat you were. I will not be bringing them to you I would promptly reply to her... sad it became true as she passed few months before my older one was born. 

Now that he's a pre-nager, I know what she meant, when she said I was being a brat!!! I mean there are nerves I did not know existed in my body that he manages to pull. The constant reminders to self, that came from friends is pick your battles, you can't be fighting them all.

Well is he's being a spoilt b**t all the time, I might as well be getting it out of my system all the time. The gut-wrenching irritation is so compelling and nothing seems to be working here. The reverse psychology, the counting to three's, the mental wait and watch, nothing. 

What works is to leave the situation alone, the things you want to be done don't get done, but your instinct to turn serial killer subsides. The world is their enemy, all I can say they are enemies of the state, the state being my house.

I sincerely hope it's the toll of covid and saying at home for a year, if not I can say I am doomed! I have to secretly build up my strength to go on for the battles I do choose to fight, like the homework, the remain hygienic coz no matter what they have been taught since birth, boys will not have their hygiene standards.

Hoping the world opens up real soon now, so I can get my sanity back by handing them to an institute for few hours every day. institute of learning or for my mental wellness, just please go back to school full time!!!

PS. the above may or may not be a work of fiction depends which side of the sympathy radar you are on. For all moms out there, now we know why we watch crime documentaries at night to unwind*, read it recently on a mom meme.

Or the worse part to this narrative is coming up, as my younger one has slowly but surely picking up the traits!!

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back to the grind... the new way!!

Last march when the boys got a mild fever a few days before the term ended, I was a bit annoyed at them for not being careful as they tend to enjoy summer things as soon as there is any sign of the sun.

But soon, the world too had to be shut down, due to COVID. Ever since then they have been home and well so have I. After a gap of a year they are being called back to school in a very limited capacity. 

This is the decision that I have to take whether to keep them home as the number of cases has suddenly risen again or to let them step out. Had it been a parent-only communication, I would have not considered it at all. But it was discussed during their online lesson and well it went on from there.

Every day the boys will ask me, when can we go back, when will we get the circular. I can see the excitement to get back out there and the constant discussion between them about meeting friends, meeting teachers, and general talks of school.
It is going to be nothing like before I want to tell them. It's not normal, to carry masks and sanitizers and live like our frontline workers for small children. You cannot hug your friends, or even shake hands or hi-five them. You cannot sit together at snack time and share your thought and food. You cannot even share an eraser or an extra pencil with your classmate. 

I am scared to send them would be an understatement, I'm terrified and worried and petrified, but even then I cannot pass on my fears to my children. I start to tell them they can have extra two days off from online classes if they don't want to attend school. But nothing can keep them away. The minds have been made up! 
So after a week of constant discussion, tomorrow is the day. 

How would or are you coping with this new normal for our brave children. As I forget that they are the first set of children to do school completely online too!! I know we give them less credit than they should be. How well they coped with the classes, assignments, and school activities remotely is commendable. They know their need to interact and be around their friends just like us grown-ups.

So all the best to all the children out there and more faith and power to us as mothers to be able to support them without passing on our fears and anxieties and insecurities to them and letting them take charge of their decisions by supporting them and backing them.

Wishing things go back to normal soon and wishing every child a happy and wholesome childhood!!!

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things that say... I Love You!!!

Growing up you have a million fantasies about romance and love.

I think Shahrukh Khan and his representation of love be it in DDLJ to Kuch Kuch hota hai did not help much. I was always the cynical teenager snickering at the antics. The fact that Daniel Steele, Jackie Collins to Mills and Boons were all banned but sought after in my all-girls boarding school was not much help either.

I remember the excitement when some classmates "cousin" came to visit.

College life too had its fair share of high drama and madness. So when I had a super longish courtship I made sure everyone around me made sure to let it be known that grand gestures would be highly appreciated.

From waking unto a bouquet of red roses every day for six months, to monthly well thought out surprises, I had my fair share of the fairy tale. My first pregnancy was also so pampered and spoilt.

But somewhere down the line, we lost the plot, I am hoping like most couples. The just us dates became from weekly to monthly to even having long gaps. The personal celebrations became family affairs, the anniversaries became family weekends away, the flowers became another thing rather than a gesture.

The lockdown we were so not used to being around each other all day would be an understatement. Between our work, and my constant running from one pick up to the next drop off. We had come to a sort of mechanical existence. Slowly we are building back our rhythm.

So when we had the rare evening recently that kids were not home, we decided to stay in a just be. Enjoying the music and the weather. Another day, while running errands, we just detoured to a long drive, something we had not done in years. Reminiscing over a quick coffee date in the evening before the kids get back from a class.

Sure the grand gestures that once were are not there, the fluff has cleared out. But the things that say ..."I Love You!!", sure are.

Take moment, smell the roses, pause..... there may be many ways to say it but if you find those moments sure not the same as before, but here and there, the love always stays.

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Being you....

It is that time of the year again, where every company, every influencer, every marketer has one agenda to push their sales by telling women to be stronger, powerful, and equal.

When 364 days we are judged by someone or other, intentionally or unintentionally. Many times I have judged or been judged, I can see the eyes following me from the back of my head even.

This women's day be only one thing true to yourself, you don't have to be brave to be powerful or even mean to show you are relentless. Every human is different, so why must every woman be the same fighting warrior. If you are true to yourself, then you can never be weak or need uplifting, you will hold yourself much higher in your own eyes to think otherwise.

Being you for me means holding up my beliefs even if everyone around me does not agree. I don't have to feel the need to place anyone or have people conform to my ways. if I can agree to disagree with someone and not feel the need to hide or explain myself I am "being me"!

Only when we stopped trying to fit into the mold created for us did we move ahead and only then can we move further to an equal society. 

The only term we need to rid our minds for men is entitlement. No one should have the notion that they are entitled to anything. Create your space in your surroundings and the world. Society lets men be entitled and when a woman expects the same treatment she is being a diva, a spoilt brat!

How many times I have wanted to beat the sense into entitled mommies boys and papas betas, create your own identity, and don't think it's greater than or lesser than anybody. 

I may be sounding like some would say know it all, or Lil miss's opinion, I learned these things the hard way too!! But learning was important for knowing that I need to be confident and happy in who I am. 

So till the girl in the office, in the building, your society can do that for herself, do one thing let her be without judging her and seeing beyond the persona in front of you. 

In a world where you can be anything, please be kind!!

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stay in touch!!

A few years ago once all of my friends starting getting married and relocating to different parts of the world, a very dear friend gave me very good advice from her initial martial wisdom. Which I held very closely as it was among the few things that resonated with me immediately to stay on with me for life.

She was telling me the pros and cons of moving to a new city after marriage, as I wanted to stay anywhere but here and it was that no matter where you get married make sure you keep meeting your old friends.

You will meet other women through your husband and his family, but continue to be in touch with people who you know from before. At that time even when I was not married and enjoying getting bored with the same people day in and out, I felt its important advice.

Now years later I keep thanking her mentally for it. Though I got married in the same city, initially I found it hard to continue to be in regular touch with my peeps. You enjoy the company of your sisters-in-law, both the brother's wife and the sisters and extended families, depending on how big the other side is. lol

But I made a conscious effort to continue to keep in touch with the friends still in the same city as me. They might not have been as close at the time, but now they are the constant, the sounding board, the advisors, the honest critics.

Sure if you are lucky you will meet a few gems once you enter mommyhood, who have journeys similar to yours, but more often than not there too you will meet, the competitive mom, the jealous mom, the judgey mom. Coz it is a part of being in this race called life, where everyone wants to overtake the person around them.

But the ones who know you as just you from any point of your life will be able to better give you a better perspective than anyone else.

So go have coffee, wine, spend a day window shopping, or shopping with your friends. I thank god for my sanity and reality checks to few such women and I hope that all women have that group no matter how big or small to fall back on.

Once the children are grown up or start getting busy in their lives you can go back to being the girl you once were, even for a little while. Enjoy being that goofy, silly, fun-loving girl you once were.

Go be the Monica to your Rachael or Pheobe!!! Happy bonding!!!

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